This question about getting a massage was asked in May 2021, when it seemed (prematurely) that we were emerging from the dark days of COVID-19:
As a college guy, I really enjoy your blog and appreciate your openness on many issues about the body and sexuality. In “Connections and Touch” you even recommended a massage. I’ve been thinking that now that places are opening up again, even though we have to be cautious about COVID-19 variants, I’d like to get a massage. I’ve had a lot of anxiety and tension in my body. But I have a question. What happens if you get an erection during the massage? Is that normal? Sometimes I can’t control myself, and I worry I may enjoy it too much, if you know what I mean…
Frank answers: You should get a massage. Our anxieties have indeed been heightened by the pandemic, especially as we try to do normal things (like study at a college) in an abnormal situation. Responsible massage therapists will not add to your anxieties. They will wear masks and require their clients to do so also if conditions require it. They wash the sheets used on the massage table with disinfectant and wipe down surfaces like door handles. I’ve had a couple of massages this year from a massage therapist I have gone to for many years and whom I know to be professional and responsible.
Massage is good therapy for your body if you’ve been tense. Massage therapy will expose tensions and tightness you didn’t even know you had. A young man like you would undoubtedly prefer deep tissue massage that gets down into the muscles as opposed to a more relaxing massage.
Erections are known to happen because the massage is helping your blood circulation (which also flows to your penis) and when you’re lying face down and the massage therapist is rubbing and pressing on your back, your penis is rubbing against the massage table as the massage therapist applies pressure, which will also stimulate your genitals. That doesn’t mean an automatic erection. But it could happen, especially when you turn over on your back.
Quite frankly, massage is sensuous. You have a lot of erogenous zones throughout your body from head to foot, not just your penis, and the massage therapist is likely to press on several of them (they can be different in different bodies). If you get an erection, don’t worry about it. Professional massage therapists have seen them before and are they are used to dealing with them (mostly by ignoring them). Anyway, why should a guy be worried about getting an erection. It’s a sign that things are healthy down there. You’re in the privacy of the massage studio, not out in public, and there is therapist-patient confidentiality.
There are a lot of men with erectile dysfunction who have difficulty getting an erection. You should be grateful that erections come easily to you. If by “enjoying it too much” you mean having a spontaneous ejaculation, your massage therapist has probably seen that too and if it happens it will add to the release of all the tension in your body. If you happen to ejaculate, he or she will just get a hot wet towel and wipe you off. On the other hand, if none of this happens (which is just as likely), you can still enjoy the massage.
Speaking man to man, as one who has had a lot of experience with massage — I’ve experienced different modalities in different countries — , I recommend that you find a male massage therapist. I’d even recommend a gay massage therapist whether you’re gay or straight. Gay men know and love the male body. They know what they like for themselves and they will show that to their clients. I’ve experienced a couple of good female massage therapists too. But male massage therapists have added strength. You don’t want just a rub down for relaxation. You want someone who does deep tissue and trigger point release to really relax those tense muscles, loosen the connective tissue, and expel the toxins. I’ve seen my massage therapist for years. He gives really intense therapeutic massages and tells me that I’ll feel relaxed by tomorrow as his work settles into my body. It’s true. And, if you get a erection, you might be less embarrassed about it in the presence of a man (who also gets erections) rather than a female.
If you’re not super modest, you might also want a massage therapist who will allow you to be nude on the massage table so that no muscles are missed and long strokes can be given without being impeded by draping. The buttocks, for example, is a huge muscle and shouldn’t be ignored. Nor should the inner thigh muscles. I begin the massage face down and nude without covering. My MT applies a hot pad on my back after he’s worked on it. After I turn over he pulls up a warm blanket as covering when my body is cooling down, usually toward the end of the massage. In the last portion of the massage he massages my head, ears, and face, which can feel really good and relaxing.
How to find a massage therapist
You can check out day spas or massage studios in your area online to see if they have a male massage therapist. Some private massage therapists, like mine, have their own studio and web site. Or you can go on masseurfinder and look for private massage therapists in your area. The site includes what they write about themselves and what kind of reviews they have received from clients. The site sub-divides listings into therapeutic, sensual, and erotic massages.
My advice to a young guy who hasn’t received a professional massage before is to begin with a therapeutic or sensual massage. You want a massage that is more about addressing the issues of your whole body rather than a sexual experience. Massage is about healing the whole body. In a sensual massage the client can be nude and the massage therapist might also join the client in being nude, if you’re okay with that.
The important thing to remember is that nothing is going to happen in any massage that you don’t want to happen. He will also ask you if there’s any part of your body you don’t want touched or any medical issues or sensitivities he should be aware of.
For me, massage is a kind of mystical experience. (My massage therapist sometimes plays Gregorian chant for me during my sessions — it was his own idea after he got to know me.)The massage therapist helps us to be aware of our whole body as well as individual parts. Massage is a mutual journey in which the therapist explores and the client receives the results of his explorations. The pressure and tempo varies during the course of the massage. Sometimes my therapist is gentle and sometimes rough, depending on what he senses in my body and from my reactions. This is intimate touch at a deep level, which is why I recommend male massage therapists for men. My massage therapist told me that he knows wat he likes and he given that to his clients.
This too is an important discovery — that men can be intimate with each other without sex. In Singapore I experienced the young massage therapist lying on top of me at the end of the massage, as he coaxed me into a deep relaxation. We lay still for several minutes. It was like a communion of persons from different countries, different cultures, sharing our common humanity. You’re not likely to experience that in this country. But it demonstrates the possibilities for touch and connection in massage.
Even though massage and touch addresses the body, it has spiritual power. Massage and healing touch can be a form of spirituality in which a person becomes one with oneself, the massage therapist, the universe, and God. A good massage brings one to a state of bliss in which one senses that all is well with one’s body, one’s life, and the world. That’s a good feeling to have even though it could dissolve once one leaves the massage table. But that table and the MT’s hands always beckon a return. I hope you find a massage therapist you’d like to return to. Best wishes,
Pastor Frank
Comment
About a year later this young man wrote to me: “Thanks for the info about massage. I got a massage in Palm Springs last month. Just googled massages for men and took a chance on one who was listed. He was older (I have an attraction to older men) but muscular and an incredible body. He let me be naked, There was no sex. but OMG the massage was amazing!”
